When You Were Mine
by The Smoose
Summary: There's no such thing as a late apology, but time does make it harder say. Major angst.


Ok, so here I am, playing FIFA, trying desperately to ignore the Oscar buzz so I can watch it all tomorrow and 'Back to December' by Taylor Swift comes on the radio. And then a plot bunny comes out and beats me around the head. Bastard. Anyway, this is the result, and I had to pause my game to write this because it wouldn't leave me alone. Enjoy!

P.S. Those of you waiting for an update of Snuff, I promise with all my heart and soul there shall be one before or on Wednesday. I'm off work until then, and tomorrow I'm going to my Nanna's. She has no internet connection and spends the day watching stuff I don't care for, so there's literally no distractions available.

* * *

Pepper was nervous, and she had reason to be. In an hour she was due to get married, so here she was, pacing the room of the hotel she was staying at for the night and wringing her hands. A knock at the door broke her from her thoughts and she froze.

"Who is it?" she called out.

"Pepper?" a gruff, male voice replied.

Pepper smiled and walked towards the door. "You're not meant to see the bride before the wedding, Jason, it's bad-" her words were cut short when she opened the door and saw, not her fiancé, but Tony Stark, gazing at her with a kind of nervous kicked puppy look on his face.

Pepper set her jaw, immediately preparing for a fight. "What the hell are you doing here?"

Tony's Adam's apple bobbed and he stepped forwards. "Pepper, please, just give me a minute to-"

"I said," Pepper interrupted. "What the _hell_ are you doing here? How the hell did you even know where to find me?"

"I saw the announcement in the Washington Post a couple weeks ago." Tony said quietly. "Quick engagement, huh? You must be pretty sure about...um..."

"Jason." Pepper finished for him. "And yes, I am, hence the wedding thing, so if you don't mind leaving-"

"I am." Tony said quickly. "I mean, I will. I just..." he looked away for a second, swallowing harshly before turning back to her. "Look, I'm not here to make a scene, but there are things I want to say to you, things that need saying, and I don't think the hallway is the best place to be discreet. Can I just come in for a second? I'll go as soon as I've said my piece, I swear."

She stared at him for a second, clenching her jaw before sighing and stepping back to let him in. Tony quickly stepped inside the hotel room, standing awkwardly in the middle of the suite.

"Nice room." He mused before turning to her. "You look-"

"Don't fucking start, alright?" Pepper snapped at him. "Just say what you want to say and leave. There's a reason I didn't invite you so I'd appreciate it if you at least respected that reason."

Tony swallowed nervously and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Um, that's kind of what I wanted to talk about. Or to explain about. Um..." he took a deep breath and ploughed on. "You and me...we were perfect together. No, listen." He stepped towards her as she opened her mouth to interrupt him. "We were, Pepper. When we were together, it was like...like nothing I'd ever experienced before. I loved you, you have no idea how much I did and still do, but I think when I figured that out for myself...it scared me. I'm not using that as an excuse, so don't roll your eyes at me, but I think that's what I did wrong. I mean at first. I fell way harder than I expected to, and it scared the shit out of me. It still does, and...it felt like I'd exposed myself. Like loving you was making me weaker, and in a way it was, because I would have done anything for you, Pepper. I still would. I'd die for you. I realised what that meant and I made a stupid decision to push you away because I felt like if I let you see how much I'd grown to depend on you, I'd scare you too, and you'd run. And I realise I backed myself into a corner with that but that's what I do best I guess. Um..." he looked away and blinked back unshed tears.

"Look, I didn't come here to beg for forgiveness or cause a scene at your wedding or anything, I came to give you the explanation you deserved three years ago. I made a mistake, thinking that loving you was a weakness when I know now that it was my greatest strength, because without you I'm nothing. The last three years have been worse than hell for me and knowing that there's nothing I can do to take it back kills me. But...seeing you happy kind of makes me feel better. I just..." he sniffed and wiped his eyes as a tear broke free. "I just wish I'd realised what I had when you were mine, and I'm so sorry...you'll never know how much I wish I could just go back and change everything, and I know it's a lot to ask, but if you could just understand that, understand how much I regret what I did to you, to us, then I might be able to stop hating myself so much."

Throughout his speech, Pepper simply stared at him, feeling the back of her eyes stinging and her throat becoming constricted with emotion. Her fingernails were digging into her palms and she forced herself to remain silent as Tony's calm facade began slipping away, more tears slipping down his cheeks faster than he could wipe them away.

"But yeah," he said after a couple of seconds of awkward silence. "That's pretty much what I came to say." He swiped his hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking up and smiling at her weakly. "Um...I'll leave now and...I'll leave you alone." He stepped around her, stopping at her side briefly. "You look beautiful, Pepper. Just like...like I'd imagined you to look at our wedding."

Pepper closed her eyes as he stepped towards the door and pulled it open, turning before he disappeared and calling his name. He stopped, halfway through the door but didn't turn around, waiting to hear what she had to say.

"I forgive you, Tony." She said, voice barely above a whisper.

Tony froze, his knuckles white as he gripping the doorknob.

"At least that makes one of us." He mumbled back before walking out of the door and closing it swiftly behind him.

Pepper backed against the nearest wall and closed her eyes, sighing heavily and sagging against it. She covered her face with her hands and willed herself not to break down. She could hear voices approaching her door and about three seconds later two women bustled through it.

"Pepper?" one of the women said softly. "Pep, are you ok?"

Squeezing her eyes shut one last time, she pulled her hands away from her face and smiled confidently at her bridesmaids.

"I'm fine, Kelly. Perfect, in fact. Just nervous."

Both women grinned at her and Kelly grabbed her hands.

"Well Mrs-Soon-To-Be-Graves, there's no time to be nervous. The limo's downstairs. You ready?"

Pepper swallowed and nodded, straightening up and pushing away from the wall.

"Yeah." She said. "I'm ready."

The end.


End file.
